The truth hurts
by XCarlie.CullenX
Summary: Prev. Do I need to know? Deleted& revamped Bella was in an accident which killed her parents and she lost her memory. Now adopted by Esme&Carlisle she trys to rebuild her life. The past haunts her, she wants to know about her past. But is for the best?
1. Crashes & I can't remember

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IMPORTANT PLEASE READ:

I deleted this story a few days back and have re-vamped it. Added more information and detailed more things. Sorry if you have read some of it already but I think this is better!!!

Thank you

all characters belong to

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Chapter 1

Crashes and I can't remember

Most childhood memories consist of birthdays and Christmases, things that excited you as a child and burned happy memories in your head. The friends you had in school and things you did together. People cherish these memories and keep them until the day they die. Your first tooth, your first day of school, your first love, your first heartbreak. I wish I could remember my memories.

It was an usually sunny March day when it happened. I was out with my parents, driving home to La Push, or so I was told I can't remember. When a reckless driver crashed into our car causing us to flip and crash off the road. Charlie my father who is chief of police in the near town of Forks was killed instantly and my mother Renee a school teacher also died instantly. I suffered head injuries and broken bones but survived, barely.

I can't consciously remember the accident but I have nightmares about an accident. I see the car rolling and colliding with tree and nature. I can see allot of red and glass but that's it. The one thing that changed my existence, the one thing that pushed me onto the path I'm on now and I can't even remember it. Hell I can't remember me.

I was in a coma for 3 months, or so I was told and the only memories I have of my first 16 years of life are stories from people and pictures that are paraded in front of me. I can remember seeing Carlisle when I woke up and feeling Esme's hand, they told me what had happened and told me that I will be living with them.

I was fostered by Dr. and Mrs. Cullen officially a few days after I was discharged from the hospital. They live in Forks, the town 15 minutes from La Push and the home of my fathers job, so I'm well know to the residents of Forks. My parents friends though it best that I stay close to home so I don't forget where I'm from. That's funny forget where I'm from? I can't remember or does everyone forget this.

I get easily frustrated at my lack of knowledge. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing a stranger. I hate hearing my name and not responding to it. I hate that I don't know what I like or what I don't like. I hate everything.

I can't say that I enjoyed meeting my parent's friends. They didn't seem to have faces that made me feel at ease, they looked at me in ways which made me uncomfortable full of pity. I didn't want pity. They showed me photo's from birthdays and different occasion's. Pictures of friends that I wouldn't recognise now. These pictures showed me something that I don't think I would of noticed if I wasn't trying so hard to find myself. The pictures were of a girl, miserable and sad putting on a show. Her family didn't notice her.

Carlisle and Esme had made me feel at home in their huge house. Esme was very motherly towards me and very protective. A text book mother and it pained me when I saw how my despair hurt her. No one like Esme should ever be intentionally hurt. Carlisle was very understanding and easy to be around. I did feel at ease in their company.

I know my name was Isabella Swan but I don't think Isabella suits me, I feel that something in my own name is different but I don't know what. I know I'm 16 year's old almost 17 but that's all I do know for sure. It's frustrating not knowing your friends or family. Not knowing what food I like what book's I've read or what films I have watched. I'm lost. It's so confusing. I look at passing faces and wounder if I should say hello or if I do know them. Am I in love? have I ever been? Will I ever remember?

I used to attend the high school in La Push but since I now live in Forks it would be easier for me to go to school here. My father's best friend Billy Black is a strangely unnerving man, he has a dislike for my new family and I don't know why. At first he fought against Esme and Carlisle for me to stay with him but thankfully the Cullen's had arguments with my foster father Carlisle about me changing schools.

Billy demanded that I stay put but being that I can't remember anyone a new school wouldn't make much difference to me. I don't know but when I visited La Push after the accident I just didn't feel at home there and my old house scared me. Carlisle said this could be my lack oif memory making me feel uneasy but a big part of me was screaming to get as far away from there as possible.

I start at Forks High School as a junior tomorrow. Carlisle and Esme sat me down a few days ago and asked my permission to adopt me. As my foster parents they were getting paid to care for me and Esme felt this was wrong. She though of me as a daughter, even in the short period I've know them they feel that I'm their daughter. I agreed to the adoption. I am now Isabella Marie Swan Cullen. I liked having Cullen as my last name.

Some might say that my easy acceptance of new parents is disrespectful of my real parents and their untimely death. I mean they died only a few months ago but to me they are strangers. I haven't shed a single tear fro them and pictures if them scare me. I don't feel bad for having a new family, it's the only part of my new life that I don't hate.

Billy again tried to cause more problems when the adoption went through but I told him of my lack of guilt and stood up for my new family. I guess this stumped him, it's seemed that he wasn't used to Isabella with a voice. Was I some push over before because only when I stated my opinion did he back down.

It doesn't matter how much I wish to leave the past parents, as I call them behind me there is a part of me that wants to know them but a bigger part of me telling me that knowing them would only upset me greater. There's so many voices in my head that conflict each other and confuse me. I know somewhere I remember and those parts scream to me and influence me. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. I love Carlisle and Esme very much but until I get full closure on my past parents, I can't quite call them mom and dad.

Friends from La Push have tried to talk to me and show me photos of my past but I also look distant in them, it somehow looks like I don't belong there. The doctors say that it's unlikely my memory will fully return, I still hope that one day I'll be able to find the girl I was and see if I'm still her. I highly doubt that I am, from the few encounters I've had with people from my past they seem to act akwardly towards me. I was a shy lamb now I'm a brave sheep.

"Isabella honey, Our guest are here" Esme called and pulled my out of my mental ramblings. Esme no matter how dark the times may seem always manages make me feel safe. Esme told me that we would have company of dinner tonight. The Hale's, Carlisle works with Gaynor Hale she's a doctor too and Jeff Hale is CEO of a big law company. They have two children, twins a year older than me who also go to my school and Esme though it would be a good Idea for me to meet them before school started.

I walked into the dinning room and politely greeted Gaynor and Jeff and I spotted two people my age, so it's safe to assume that they are Rosalie and Jasper Hale. The were both unbelievably beautiful and blond. Rose could easily be a swimsuit model and just being in her presence could kill my self esteem and Jasper looked better than most than most Greek gods. I don't talk to anyone much, I get scared. Esme has been helping me gain more confidence lately by taking me to work with her.

"Isabella, this is Rosalie and Jasper. Kids this is Bella" Gaynor shared Esme's kindness and I felt at ease with her. Rosalie smiled and Jasper offered me his hand.

"Isabella you looking forward to starting at Forks?" Rosalie asked me before we began dinner.

"I suppose. I can't really remember school so I hope I like it" I answered honestly and Rosalie smiled.

"Do you know anyone there?" She seemed like an easy person to get on with or was it her pity for me? I was so used to people looking down at me and pitying me that I'm always on my guard.

"Nope, well if I did I won't remember them" I tried to joke but it came out sounding pathetic. Great Isabella if they didn't pity you they do now.

"Oh I'm so sorry. Well you know me now and Jasper, so don't worry" She seemed genuinely sorry and very nice. Jasper nodded in agreement with his sister.

"Kids, dinner is served" Carlisle called to us. I lead them to the dinning room.

Dinner was a friendly event. I learnt about some of the teachers at Forks and some of the students to avoid. Jasper told me about his girlfriend Alice Masen who as he described is very excited to met me. Excited being a huge understatement, if it wasn't for a family thing tonight she would have been with him.

Rosalie told me about her best friend Edward Masen who was Alice's brother and who was star soccer player at Forks. I asked if she had a boyfriend but she didn't, surprising looking at her. I even asked if she was a cheerleader, she has the perfect stereotype for it but she almost choked on her food. Rosalie hates all things fake she'd rather work on her car. I liked Rose there instant trust in her voice. They seemed like a very friendly bunch and I was happy to sit her with them and try to be myself, well the self that I am now.

I found out that Jasper also played soccer and was very into history, he wanted to major in it at college. Jasper had a calming presnace about him. I was able to not be to panicked about situations looming and found it very easy to talk to him.

Rose promised to pick me up for school and Jasper apologised for his girlfriend in advance. When I asked why he just laughed and and said you'll see. It also turns out that Alice and her brother Edward are Carlisle and Esme's god children. When I asked why I haven't seen them before or heard of them, they said it was because they were giving me time to settle in before they unleashed Alice on me. I laughed, that was the third person to say that.

The night was as always filled with nightmares. I cried into my pillow when I woke. I didn't want Esme to hear again because I didn't know how to answer her. I could see images and hear voice sometime even feel pain but I didn't know what the hell I was dreaming about. Esme broke her heart each time I suffered my panic attacks. I learnt to calm myself quietly now so that Esme wouldn't hurt as well.

My alarm went off at 6:30 and I was barely sitting up when a short, spiky black haired, pixie looking girl burst into my room grabbing me into a death grip hug.

"Oh hey Isabella, I'm Alice. I'm pleased to meet you" I was still in shock staring at her. I had to smile at her enthusiasm. This was the infamous Alice Masen.

"Is this what Jasper meant?" I asked Rosalie standing in my door way laughing as Alice rummaged through my closet. Rosalie nodded. I watched as this tinkerbell worked her charm on my wardrobe.

Alice insisted on dressing me up and doing my make-up, I don't know what type of person I was before but I really didn't like this now. Make a mental note buy bedroom door a lock. Rosalie owned red BMW and we drove to school in this. I didn't want any attention but arriving in this car next to the model and the fairy, I may as well have 'Isabella Cullen right here' in neon lights flashing above me. We parked next to a silver Volvo and I recognised Jasper.

Next to him was a gorgeous tall boy with bronze hair and amazing green eyes, this must be Alice's brother Edward his face looked so familar. Did I know him? I swear I've dreamt about him. Again I was frustrated. Alice still had her arm around me and was nattering about shopping. Apparently she' going to make me love shopping. We reached Jasper and Edward and Alice rushed an introduction and carried on talking.

"Edward this is Isabella, Isabella my brother Edward. So like I was saying Port Angeles hasn't got the best selection but it's the closest. We should go tonight" I manged a quick smile at Edward, he obviously didn't know me. Maybe I did dream about him, I mean who wouldn't? Alice continued to be pulled along with her, I caught Jasper mouth "I told you so". I went to the office to retrieve my class list and I had all but one class with Alice and the one class I didn't have with her Edward would be with me. I would get to know him, maybe this would ease confusion.

I found out that Edward and Alice were twins and were both juniors with me. Rose and Jasper were seniors.

Lunch time arrived quickly and I saw Jasper, Rose and Edward at a table full of people, some of which I recognised from classes.

"Isabella, this is Lauren, Jessica, Angela, Ben, Tyler and Mike" I smiled to each of the people and sat between Edward and Alice. I looked at Edward again with this nagging feeling of familiarity. I tried not to stare but I was trying to place him. He caught my stares and I flushed pink with embarrassment.

"So is it true you can't remember anything?" The girl I think called Lauren asked, I stared at her. How blunt.

"No, I can't remember anything except the last 3 months" There was no point lying and the acid in her tone of voice was annoying me.

"Oh my god, that's so sad." Jessica, I think said the table fell silent. Great more pity.

"Isabella you dating anyone?" Mike I do believe blurted out, Edward slapped him across the head and Alice changed the subject quickly. Rose mouthed "sorry" to me.

The conversation around the table was about sports, then shopping and whats on at the movies. I guess it was how typical teenage friends interact with each other, for a moment I felt relaxed but the bell soon disrupted my peace and I had biology.

"Isabella want to walk with me to biology? Alice said that was your next class" Edward asked in a much smoother voice than his sister. I nodded. I noticed Jessica tagged along as well, she had chemistry in the same block or something. She was staring at Edward and giggling, maybe they were dating, now I felt as though I was intruding. Jessica kissed Edward on the cheek and bolted to her class. Edward turned slightly red as Jessica left. The class was already full and Mr. Banner signed my slip and showed me to my seat, next to Edward.

"Hey partner. Don't worry you'll like biology, your good at it" How would he know? I tried not to ask as this would raise more questions .At least I wouldn't be paired up with that Mike boy, he keeps staring at me.

"Hey. I hope so." I smiled awkwardly and turned mt attention to the notes in front of me.

"I've copied all my notes for this class, so you'll have something to read and catch up on. I know It must be difficult so I thought these might help" His velvet voice was very genuine.

"Thank you Edward and sorry about before. I don't want to intrude with you an Jessica" I just wanted to apologise I didn't want to be a pain.

"Intrude?" He sounded shocked and very surprised.

"Yeah, with Jessica and that. That last thing you need is a spare wheel" I was hesitant with what I was saying.

"Jessica?" He looks offended, oh great I've offend him.

"Yeah, She's your girlfriend right?" I said slowly hoping not to make him mad.

"No. Jessica and I are certainly not dating. She keeps asking me out but doesn't take no for an answer. None of the girls here have very much going on behind the make-up. Please don't think that." His voice was fast and high. I guess I read that situation completely wrong.

"Oh okay, I'm sorry for assuming" Mr. Banner started his class before we could talk anymore, today was a practical task. Mr. Banner placed our equiptment on our desk and carried on explaining the experiment.

"Bella, do you want to go first or shall I?" My head shot up to look at him, I guess my face filled with confusion. His face filled with panic at my reaction.

"What you call me?" I asked a little surprised.

"Oh I'm sorry. I just.. sorry Isabella" Great first I offend him and now I embarrass him. Way to go Isabella. Way to go Bella? I like it.

"No I like Bella. I actually hate Isabella but I don't correct people because I don't what to correct them with" This seemed to smooth out his worried features. I smiled at him and took the microscope.

The bell rang I had gym next. I'd didn't know if I liked gym so I didn't really have much of an opinion of it, yet. So far I've managed to work out that my balance isn't my best feature, who knows maybe sweats can work wonders. Edward waved me goodbye and Alice met me outside my locker. We walked to gym and again I don't think she stopped talking. Alice being my complete opposite soothed me, I didn't have to make conversation and she wouldn't push me on my past. I loved being in her company, she was friend.

I guess gym is now my least favourite class, I almost killed some girl with my tennis racket and Alice now has a ball shaped bruise on her leg. I haven't stopped apologising but she's very upbeat about it, apparently I've given her an excuse to shop for new trousers.

"Isabella you can catch a ride home with me and Edward if you want. Rose never stays for soccer practise but your welcome to go home with her if you want. Edward and Jasper have soccer practise, they won't be long we'll wait on the stands. It's fun to watch" Alice showed me the outside sports fields, a place that scared me to death. I really do hate gym and looking at their facilities I was scared. I spotted Edward, Jasper and Mike on the soccer field to left of us. Edward waved, as did Jasper but Mike winked, I grimaced at that.

"I think he likes you" Alice stated, well obviously he keeps staring. I really don't like Mike so I hope Alice isn't hoping to become cupid.

"I'm not interested" I said, dreading anything Mike.

"Shame, He doesn't normally take a liking to girls in the school" I don't think Alice was on about Mike, wait who was she on about? I opened my mouth to ask when I spotted the baseball practises behind Alice and it felt like something had kicked me hard in the chest. My eyes glazed over and head began to pound. Oh no not here.

"_I don't care. I'm watching TV. Zip it" His tone was aggravated_

I opened my eyes to see Alice, Mike, Edward and few other people staring at me. Mike went to pull me up but I screamed and flinched away. I held my face where the bottle hit that little girl. I jumped up and ran away from the questioning eyes. "THAT'S IT ISABELLA" was that a memory? I saw some baseball being played and suffer a panic attack. It felt so real and I didn't even realise I was crying until I tasted the salt fall on my lips.

Edward, Jasper and Alice called after me but I ran and didn't turn back to see them.

I was struggling to breathe tidy, I pulled out my phone and hit Esme's number.

"Please can you pick me up from school" I squeaked out through breathless gasps.

"Bella what's wrong? I'm on my way!" Her voice was now panicked and I could hear that she was running and I soon heard her car start.

"Thank you" I cried into my phone before hanging up. I collapsed onto the bench and sobbed into my hands.

What had happened in my past? Was that my life? Do I really want to know? I needed to know.

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"But dad, moms late. I'm worried. Its almost 11pm" The girls voice was shaking.

"GIRL I WON'T TELL YOU AGAIN" He roared, his eyes still fixed on the flat screen.

"I'm going to phone the police, maybe they can help me find her"

"I AM THE POLICE. NOW SHUT YOUR STUPID LITTLE MOUTH. CHILDREN SHOULD BE SEEN AND NOT HEARD." Still he hadn't turned his head.

"Dad, please" the little voice begged

"THAT'S IT, ISABELLA " The man moved showing a baseball game on the TV, this is what was so important than his child? The man still had a beer can in his hand

"I'm sorry, please no" The girl begged louder, voice trembling with fright. The man raised his bottle and the last thing the girl saw was the glass break against her face and smelling salt and rust before it went black.


	2. Past pains & future hopes

**Chapter 2**

**Past pain and future hopes**

These last few months have been dark. I've slipped into an existence that scares my family. It happened 6 months ago, the girl I love was in a car accident and lost all her memories. I'm a mere stranger to her. Her parents, well if you can call them that. Two big headed cruel beings who held positions of authority within the communities but behind closed doors were power tripping mentalists, they were both killed. God riddance to humanity.

Bella, my Bella was gone. Every day I visited her at the hospital and prayed she'd wake. Her new parents Carlisle and Esme were perfect I couldn't of thank God anymore for providing her with the family she deserves.

I met Bella just after new years. She was on first beach in La Push, crying. My heart broke at this sight and I was drawn to her. She of course was defensive but slowly gained confidence in me. She confided in me with all her secrets and we undoubtedly fell madly in love with each other.

I spend all my spare time with her, even found myself sneaking into her bedroom at night to stop her nightmares. Everyone called her Izzy or Iz, she hated this more than Isabella but her family never paid attention to her. I called her Bella one day and she loved it. Bella that one word is my whole existence, funny that no one else knows it.

Bella was badly abused by her biological parents. They neither had the time or patience to care. They turned Bella into a shell. Mentally abused her convinced her that she was worthless and no one loved her. Charlie would often drink and hit her. Many times have I stumbled upon a fresh bruise on her skin and often had to help her cover black eyes. I had the hardest time restraining myself from killing that bastard. Charlie was the police in this area and anyone I tried to seek out for help thought of me as a stupid teenagers out of my depth and a liar.

Charlie's best friend Billy Black knew of this abuse but did nothing, often laughing as his friend beat his daughter. Billy and Charlie had an agreement that Bella was promised to Jacob, who unfortunately was exactly like his father and treated Bella with such disrespect that I had been sent off during a soccer match between our two school for fighting with him, he of course didn't understand why I had a dislike for him.

Bella and I kept our relationship just between us, for her own safety. Rose, Jasper and Alice all knew that there was a girl but knew nothing of her. Even my parents knew of my new found happiness, too bad it was laced in sadness.

One day I found Bella bleeding badly from her arms and wrists. Her dad had thrown her into a glass door and caused these injuries, the best he could do was give her bandages and painkillers and sent to her bed. The cuts were very deep and filled with glass, they needed medical attention. Bella refused to go to hospital so I took her to my godfathers. Carlisle had treated Bella on previous occasions and had even alerted child protection about her suspicious injuries. This is the reason why the Swan's hated my godparents.

Carlisle stitched her up and I drove her home. I rocked her to sleep and left only to return to my godparents house. Esme was still distraught about Bella and Carlisle was fuming. I explained that she was the girl I had spent all my time with and told him everything. The next day Carlisle went to child protection and demanded that Bella be removed from her abusive parents. This time they finally did something about it. Charlie and Renee Swan were ordered to appear in front of a court to state their case before any further action be taken.

Bella was terrified about this. Charlie and Renee laid off the abuse before the hearing so Bella was having the smallest bit of peace and quiet. The Swan's stated that the accusations of abuse were false and they were willing to prove this. The judge ruled that since they had cooperated Bella would stay in their custody until they had to appear in court. On the way home they crashed.

I was in my room avoiding my families questions when Carlisle rang with the news. Renee and Charlie had been killed and I was overjoyed but Bella was critical and I was crushed. I rushed to the hospital. Bella looked so small and broken but finally at peace. I gripped her hand and refused to let go. My parents believed that my time at the hospital was down to Carlisle helping understand the life of a doctor. I was to broken to tell anyone the truth. They soon came to their own conclusion that we broke up and left me to my own devices.

Carlisle and Esme fought for custody of Bella against Billy Black. Carlisle and Esme wan and the adoption papers were drew up, these would only be finalised when Bella woke up and agreed to this. Billy demanded that he be part of Bella's life. Carlisle couldn't prove that he was just as bad as Charlie so he had to agree to him seeing Bella, of course this was her choice ultimately when she woke up.

Three months I spent between school, soccer and the hospital. Esme prepared to bring Bella home and even enlisted Rosalie to help with clothes and such. Rosalie my best friend was also under the impression that I was training with Carlisle and knew nothing of Bella. It hurt to much to say anything else and Carlisle and Esme were sworn to secrecy. They knew of my pain and promised me only they would know of Bella and myself. When Bella woke up it would be her choice to reveal our relationship.

I was at soccer practise one day when I got the phone call from Carlisle. Bella was awake but had no memories. I rushed to the hospital where I saw her, awake and confused but being comforted by Esme. After a long and very painful talk with Carlisle, I decided that my presence in her life wouldn't help.

The doctors say that it's highly unlikely that she'll get her memory back and I would only remind her of her past. Carlisle tried to convince me otherwise but saw my determination. I would erase myself from her to let her live her life. No reminders.

Esme and Carlisle told Bella the basics of her past life. Her name, her family, her friends and was even shown pictures. They call her Isabella hoping this will trigger a response. Maybe her personality will shine through to ours now that no one is holding her back, but Bella being the selfless being she is didn't correct people and is now called Isabella again. Carlisle said this was normal that it'll take time for her to get back to normal. Carlisle kept giving me updates on her well being,

Bella agreed to the adoption and is now officially a Cullen, which made me very happy. Bella also took a disliking to Billy and his family which I was so grateful for. Carlisle said that she felt uneasy when she visited La Push as though she was trying hard to remember. Bella would be starting in Fork's high with me, Alice, Jasper and Rose. I was so happy being able to be around her again with the pain being able to see her happy.

Carlisle told me that life has a funny way of working out. I may have given up my past with Bella but that past was filled with pain and secrets that doesn't mean we don't have a bright future. This gave me hope.

When I first saw her at school my heart broke all over again. Alice had taken her under her wing and Rosalie was the over protective older sister all ready. Jasper really liked her too. At lunch it was awkward. I wanted to wrap my arms around her so bad and inhale all of strawberry scent. I laughed at a stray memory.

_I remember lying on the beach, Bella's hair strewn across my chest and her face inches from mine. I inhaled deeply taking in every breath of her._

_"Edward, what are you doing?" She asked slightly perplexed._

_"Smelling your hair, why?" Smiling into her hazel strands._

_"That's just strange, your a strange boy Mr. Masen but I love you."_

_"Well Miss. Bella strange as I may be, I have your love so I don't want to change." _

_Her lips touched mine and I was in my happy place. "I love you too" _

That was one of the rare days that it was sunny and she was smiling. That was also the first time we said I love you to each other. I had to snap out of that past.

The whole day I was distracted and even more so when Bella turned up at soccer practise with Alice. I was suddenly nervous but this way soon over shadowed by panicked when Bella passed out. Alice screamed to me. Jasper and I ran to their aid. Bella was all scrunched up and sweating, mumbling under her breath but clearly having a panic attack. She snapped out of it and just ran. Alice, Jasper and I screamed after her.

"Alice what happened?" I snapped at my sister.

"I don't know she glanced over at the baseball courts then clammed up" Alice was clearly worrying so I wrapped my arms around her.

"It's okay, she'd had a lot to deal with. I'll call Carlisle and let him know" Jasper replaced my arms around Alice and I dialed Carlisle's number and explained everything. He told me that Esme called him after getting off the phone to Bella. Esme had picked her up, that made me feel a little better.

Soccer practise was over and we made our way home, all of us concerned about Bella. Alice knew that there was something more wrong but didn't push it. Carlisle and Esme had invited Alice, Jasper, Rose and I for dinner hoping this would make Bella feel allot better.

Carlisle explained that she had a panic attack about a daydream. Some thing triggered her memory and she can remember being hit or she thinks she can. Something about a baseball match and a bottle of her fathers beer. Carlisle asked me if knew anything but I said I didn't. That incident happened after my stray memory I had at lunch. Bella was cut along her cheek where her father hit her, luckily it wasn't deep enough to scar but I held her so tight that night. I chose not to tell Carlisle this as his love for Bella is now that of the daughter he always wanted and this knowledge would hurt him.

Carlisle also mentioned Bella asked for her medical records, of course there are some details of past injuries but the one in particular would hold no record. Am I protecting her by lying? She has a right to normal carefree life like any teenager. Bella needed this second chance. Damn her stubbornness.

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	3. Baking & big brothers

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Chapter 3

Baking and big brothers

Bella's pov:

I had confronted Carlisle and Esme about my dreams, well my nightmares and the panic attacks they cause. I explained that I though this latest one was somehow linked to me, to my past. Esme held me closer and tried in vain to hid her tears. Carlisle was also visibly upset by what I told him. I asked if there was a possibility I could see my medical files, so I can maybe get some closure or maybe exposure about my flashback.

Carlisle explained that it was possible but he wanted me to think about this. He said that I needed to fully understand the consequences of my own decisions, whether I find the answers I wanted or not. I agreed to this. Esme told me that she had invited Edward, Alice, Rose and Jasper around for dinner.

I was in my room listening to some old CD'sof mine which I salvaged from my old house. There was a wide collect of genres. I just didn't know what I liked. There was rap, which I didn't think to much of. Some rock which I enjoyed more than the less attractive CD cover suggested but my favourite which reminded me of something was Debussy. It was calming and relaxing, I could feel the tension float away.

I was laying on my bed listening to the notes when Esme poked her head around the corner, telling me that the guys were on their way. I would without a doubt know Alice's presence when she walked through the door, so I stayed put. I quickly washed my face to wipe away all traces of my outburst. I was highly embarrassed at today's events, so facing them isn't something I'm looking forward too.

I left my bathroom to see Alice sitting on bed, making faces at my stereo.

"What?"

"This song." I wish I could say which song it was but I really liked it. I picked up the cover to see what song it was.

"Clair DE lune" I said out loud.

"I though I recognised that. Edward plays it all the time." She said sounding a little bitter. Edward likes Debussy?

_It was a long beach, surprisingly dry but cold. I could feel the warmthof anotherbeing to my side but my vision was hidden my hair. I could hear music playing from this persons phone._

_"What's this?" I asked unable to hold but my curiosity. _

_"Debussy, Clair De Lune. Why?" A male voice answered. So soft and caring but unfamiliar._

_"I like it." I said quietly to myself self but somehow this person heard._

_"Well at least there's something I know you like now." There was a smile in his voice. I turned to see him._

That was strange. Another flashback? The doctors said that certainthings trigger memories, I guess the song was also healing my mind. I smiled weakly at Alice. I could see the questions bubbling up inside her.

"I'm okay Alice. I alwaysget panic attacks." I answered before she could exploded.

"I was scared you know. I'm always here Isabella" She was very genuine with her words.

"Bella" I said quietly. Ever since Edward called me that I can't seem to like anything else.

"What?"

"Call me Bella, it's less formal." I explained, she smiled at me like a light bulb had just popped on above her head.

"It suits you. Where'd you come up with that?"

"Biology?" Alice gave me a confused look and her lips parted to question what I had just said but Rose walked in and pulled me into a hug.

I looked up at the Goddess holding and thanked her for caring. I hardly noticed Alice once again in my closets.

"Alice I'm already dressed."

"I know, I'm just seeing what you need and by the looks of things, quite allot. Bella you know your female right? Owning pink isn't a crime!" She looked disgusted at my dark sweats and baggy t-shirts. Rose laughed and I was very scared. Esme shouted up to us before Alice had the chance to see my dire footwear collection.

Downstairs Jasper and Carlisle were in a heated game of chess, by the looks of things Jasper was winning I could see Carlisle's frustrated face. Edward was watching intently at them occasionally giving advice to who ever asked it. I walked behind Rose hoping to disguise myself from view but Alice pulled me from my hiding place.

Just as us girls passed Jasper almost shouted "Check Mate" and I swear I saw tear's in Carlisle'seyes. Edward Smiled at me but I found myself looking down but blushing a very obvious shade of pink. Esme was serving up dinner. Rose was on my right and Alice on my left, this made me chuckle. Alice was the devil and Rose was the angel. Edward sat opposite me and Jasper was opposite Alice. Carlise and Esme took each head of the table.

Dinner was as always amazing. Esme is so talented. Carlisle was being tormented by Jasper about his loss, Edward was talking to Esme and Rose about this year's soccer season whilst Alice was dictaing my weekend plans to me. It would be day out in Port Angeles to Alice proof my entire wardrobe. It was chaotic trying to talk to someone because so many people where talking. Some topic came up about music and Alice mentioned my Clair De Lune moment earlier which would be normal in any conversation but I noticed Edward's smile grow bigger and he looked directly in my eyes. Those eyes, a brilliant shade of green somehow captured me each time.

I had to remember to breathe when I looked away. What was damn familiar about Edward Masen? Okay he called me Bella which I liked and then Clair De Lune. I feel like I'm missing something. He fits to me? I look forward to him speaking like I'm waiting for something. I know I sound crazy, loopy Bella can't remember anything so the first cute guy that is nice to her, most likely out of pity she build up to be some sort of saviour. Edward is a soccer player, popular, attractive and Bella, girl your nothing like that. Your broken.

"Bella. What's your favourite colour?" Alice asked and this simple question seemed to silence the chatter. All eye's feel on me.

"Bella?" Carlisle asked raising his eyebrows, of course I was Isabella to them.

"Yes, I prefer it to Isabella. I hope to don't mind."

""Of course we don't sweetheart." Esme said smiling to me, I looked around Carlisle and Edward both had the same smile as Esme, I felt as though I had missed something. Alice was just as confused as I was so I left it there and continued to talk to Alice.

The rest of the night flowed well. Jasper and I did the dishes together, I felt a close bond to him. He was easy to talk to and I was able to relax around him, like a brother. True he was attractive but my connection to him was that of a brother/sister bond. He was Alice's complete opposite. After everyone left I said my good nights and curled into my bed.

The week was the first one since I can remember waking up that went by fast. School was interesting. Jessica and Lauren had taken a dislike to me and were very distant and most times bitchy but I found that I too have a mean streak. Spending time with Alice and Rose gave me confidence so I wasn't the quiet little girl who start Forks high days ago, I was a girl finding her way.

Edward and I had become very close, working on a joint biology project gave me the chance to get to know him. His parent Elizabeth and Ed were very welcoming and friendly. Ed was very much like Alice where Lizzy was like Edward. Ed was a top lawyer and Lizzy was writer. I felt very comfortable at his house. Occasionally Edward was say or do something that triggered a memory but nothing I could understand.

I think I had a boyfriend or someone close to that and I think Edward was bringing out feelings in me that I must of previously felt. I would like to find out but I don't think I'm strong enough to risk what I have right now.

Saturday came too fast for my liking. Alice I swear is Hitler in a Tinkerbell costume. I was physically dragged to ever store possible. Esme had given Alice the credit card she and Carlisle had for me, which she knows I wouldn't use. Esme and Carlisle were very well off and Alice who also owns a Cullen sponsored credit card loved to shop. I was now the proud owner of many pairs of girlie jeans, reavaling tops, proper jackets, shoes with heels and make-up.

It was now Sunday and the day of rest. Alice and Edward were out of town visiting relatives in Chicago. Jasper went with Alice and Rose was also enjoying the peace, she'd be around of dinner tonight. Carlisle had a day off and Esme planned to bake cakes, I would be the icing queen. So far we had managed to turn the normally charcoal kitchen tops to a very snow like flour white. I was covered in cake dough and Esme covered in coloured icing.

The phone rang during our bake fight and Carlisle answered it. Esme left me to finish icing the chocolate cake while she went to see who it was.

"Bella would you please come here?" Carlisle called. His tone wasn't his normal cheery self, it was strained. I walked into the room where Esme and Carlisle were.

"What have I done?" I asked without thinking.

"Nothing dear, don't think that. Esme and I need to discuss something with you." I sat down on the chair and nodded for Carlisle to continue. "I just had a phone call from the foster agency that Esme and I are registered on. They asked if there was a possibility we could home an other child, well a teenage boy, the same age as you. Immediately."He said Immediately slowly so that I understood that right now this boy needed a family.

"What's happened to him?"

"Well his parents died many years ago and he lives with his older sister but she died this morning, leaving him on his own and well the child agency didn't want him to be on his own just yet. They know we have better experience with older children so they asked if we would help."

"What's this got to do with me?" I asked a little hesitant.

"Well honey your our main priority and if you don't feel comfortable with someone else sharing your new life with you, which its totally acceptable we would decline this request." I don't think even in my past I could refuse another human the love and comfort they deserve. Esme and Carlisle would be perfect to help out this boy, I just hope he likes me.

"I don't have any problems. This poor boy has lost everything he deserves you."

"Aw Bella. I'll phone them back and arrange to get him." Carlisle left to go to his study.

To be honest I had a good feeling about the new arrival. Carlisle had set of to go get him, they wouldn't be back for a few hours, while Esme and I sorted out one of the guest bedrooms. The one next to mine was perfect. Sky blue in design and definitely a boy's room. We rushed out to the local electrics store to get a TV, DVD player and a mass amounts of game consoles. The store owner suggested a few games which Esme bought along with a new PC. The spare room was now officially a boys bedroom.

The kitchen was still filled with the smell of freshly baked cakes and our mass amounts of cakes were scattered across the counters. It was now late afternoon when we heard Carlisle'scar pull up. Esme dusted herself down and hugged me, this was the moment of truth.

The door opened and Carlisle walked in holding suitcases and behind him was a tall, muscular boy with dark curly hair. His whole image screamed big brother. He smiled to me and Esme and reveled his dimples, he seems very friendly.

"Emmett, I would like to meet me the women in my life. Esme and Bella. Girls this is Emmett." Esme grabbed him into one of her motherly hugs. After Esme realised him, Emmett pulled me into a huge bear hug. I already liked him.

The rest of the night was surprisingly easy. We ate dinner like a family and talked to Emmett about his life. Although he had just lost the only family he had he was upbeat. He told us that his sister was suffering with cancer and that she was now at peace, so he couldn't be upset for her only happy. Esme and I showed him his room which he loved, he was already at home.

After spending just hours with Emmett I already felt comfortable with him. The pain of his loss still fresh in his eyes but he outstanding personality shone through. We sat up talking until late in the night, not about either of our pasts but about stupid teenage stuff, it was strange. The past few day I had opened up to Alice, Edward, Jasper and Rose but Emmett had something else about that drew me in. As though he was always meant my big brother. Two pieces of a similarly broken human that fit together to make one hell of a team.

I fell asleep quite quickly after leaving Emmett's room but my night was far from over. Nightmares filled my unconsciousness.

_I was in a dark room, reading what looked like a diary. It was written my messing handwriting._

_Dear diary,_

_School was uneventful. Jacob tried again to convince me to date him this resulting in a verbal war. I still have his finger marks around my wrist where he held me to tight._

_I didn't want to go home but I had to. I walked since Renee had forgotten about me, again._

_The familiarsmell of alcohol filled the small rooms, so I should of knew what was coming. Charlie was out with Billy fishing all weekend well that's what the note on the fridge said, he was most likely in Seattle picking up more whores. Which meant Renee's boyfriend was over. Phil was closer to my age than hers but Renee liked to feel young. Renee was still upstairs when Phil approached me._

_His hands lingered on my back making me studder and I could feel his stale breathe on my neck. He always made remarks about my body he never acted on them, thank god. "Izz, looking good" He slurred. I walked away trying hard not to vomit but found Renee waiting on the stairs. "You slut, stay away from Phil" she hissed then slapped me across the face. I knew never to cry in front of them. I got to my room and looked at the calender. September 13th. Happy 15th birthday Bella is said quietly to myself._

_I can't remember the last time I had a happy birthday. Some days I wonder what's worse? Getting older and knowing what your parents are doing to you or being younger and not knowing what your parents are doing._

_When I was younger I didn't know why I was hit or shouted at and this hurt like hell but I didn't know why so I hoped that one day I would find a magic cure for them. Now that I'm older and I know no such cure exists, it hurts worse._

_Will I ever be truly loved? _

_Bella._

I woke up in a cold sweat the clock was flashing 06:45am. Monday, school again. I was left wondering what last nights nightmares.

* * *

**Please review, this really does help me! and I love reading what people think.**

**Thank you x**


	4. Chapter 4

**THIS STORY IS CURRENTLY ON HOLD.**

**DON'T WORRY THEY WILL BE COMPLETED AT SOME TIME. MOST LIKELY OVER THE SUMMER,**

**I HAVE MANY MY OTHER STORIES THAT IM CONCENTRATING ON.**

**SORRY!!**

**DON'T HATE ME!!**

**BUT PLEASE CHECK OUT THE STORIES THAT I WILL BE UPDATING:**

**Baby you the one:**

_Bella and Edward and the entire gang have been given one last project before graduation. How to look after a baby. Many disasters, trails and tricks happen! How can friendships survive this task?_

**I dare you:**

_Bella and Edward are roomies on a school trip. Hes the popular jock and she doesn't like his ways, but hes hiding a very big secret. Between the dares and scandals no wonder its the city that never sleeps!!_

**Almost Complete:**

_Edward and Bella have been best friends all their life. What on earth could push these two to see what other have seen in them? Edwards new baby daughter, that's what. What a shock to both of them. Bella's the best friends a guy could have but can she be a mom? Edwards a new dad can he cope?_

**_PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!!!_**

**_THANK YOU SOO MUCH _**

**_CARLIE XX_**


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